What they don't tell you about breastfeeding

There are a couple of things that I wish I had known prior to giving birth. I wanted to share one of them in hopes of helping others who may go through it in the future and to commiserate with those who may have gone through it themselves. If you don't want to read about boobs and nipples and the like, I don't suggest reading any further. You've been warned!

Breastfeeding is difficult. Let me rephrase, breastfeeding was difficult for me.

I gave birth and thought it's going to be all natural and that baby is just going to know what to do and how to do it. I had heard that it's going to hurt at first and that I would get past that. I spent the first several feedings in pain as my nipples got used to being pulled forcefully into a baby's mouth numerous times a day. I took the breastfeeding class, so I knew the basics. But here's what I didn't know.

I didn't know it would take weeks before things would be normal and we would get the hang of it. Babies eat 8-12 times a day. I dreaded the next feeding because my nipples hurt so bad. Scarlett would not open her mouth to save her life sometimes. The lactation consultant at the hospital basically showed me how to position her and then 'time it' correctly so I could shove my boob into her mouth at precisely the right moment to get it to work. Of course it worked when she did it, but doing it alone or with the help of Alex was continuously frustrating. Scarlett liked to put her tongue to the roof of her mouth to block the 'shoving' as well, so we spent lots of time trying to time it just right. We were both learning I guess. I wish the lactation consultant would've said "this is normal" and "it just takes time for you to learn together" or "keep working on it and you will get it". I didn't feel super supported by her, just that 'this is how you time it and it will work' when in reality it took a lot of tries to get it to 'work'.

The one thing I did was I kept going. One feeding at a time. I couldn't not feed my baby and if it took me being in pain and me being frustrated to get food in her tiny tummy then I would do it. I would sacrifice my comfort for her. And I did. I just kept thinking about how people said it would get easier. There was no timeline associated with when it would actually get easier but people were saying a couple weeks. I had been following the January birth board on babycenter.com when I started reading support posts about how other people were also having issues. That made me feel better. Before reading those I spent so much time researching how to get her to open her mouth wider and watching videos on youtube of what the proper latch looked like so I could be sure I had it. All that to pass the time until it 'got easier'. Each day was a struggle. Each day I reminded myself that it was supposed to get easier. I think that helped.

I had a wicked case (or what i consider wicked) of a cracked nipple that wouldn't heal in one boob and mastitis in the other. The cracked nipple was fixed by pumping that side only for two days. For some reason, pumping must've kept the crack open enough to heal itself. That was amazing when it was finally healed. I had a fever that started on Wednesday and lasted through the night into Thursday. I knew I had a clogged duct and spent lots of time massaging it, but when it turns into a fever, you know that you have Mastitis and have to go on antibiotics. I spent a couple days on ibuprofen for the fever and felt brand new when it finally broke. The antibiotics cured the mastitis and things went back to normal in a week.

As of mid week last week, things had finally gotten easier. Though her latch isn't perfect, she can get attached herself without having to 'time and shove' which is a huge relief, especially during middle of the night feedings when I'm too tired to pay attention. I finally thought 'it's here, the time of easier is here, they said it would come and it has'. No more sore nipples, no more latch issues. Sure things aren't always perfect but they are 1000% times better than they were a couple weeks ago.

I look forward to it getting even easier as she gets older and figures out what's going on. All the struggle and pain and discomfort was totally worth it to have a portable food source for her. The convenience alone is great but has the added bonus of me not being able to be away from her for more than 2 hours until I start pumping for when I go back to work. And even then, I will only be pumping for the days I have to work, not much extra.

So the message I want to convey through this post is: It's true. It does get easier. It was worth it to me to stick it out for a few weeks to see if that were true. I wanted to make it work and it did. Though people told me that it would hurt they didn't tell me how difficult it could be. Probably because it's different for everyone. But it would've helped to know that it's possible that it's going to be really hard. I hope knowing that helps someone else. I also want to thank my husband, my mom and my sister Jess for the support they gave me during the tough times. I wanted to give up a lot and they kept me going. It's really important to have a good support system. I might not have made it through without them.

(I am in no way stating that breast is better then formula. Nothing negative to those who cannot breastfeed or those who choose not to breastfeed. I just wanted to share my experience in hopes that it may help others going through something similar and to prepare future moms for something people may not share with them.)